


Of Memories

by yaruna



Series: Of Years Gone By [29]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Aragorn POV, Gen, POV First Person, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaruna/pseuds/yaruna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Aragorn has used questionable means to make Legolas sleep in Moria</p>
<p>Aragorn POV</p>
<p>All parts of the series are stand-alone one-shots, though some may have references to previous happenings</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This may not make much sense without having read part 18 (Of a Desolate Mind) and possibly part 24 (Of Lost Hopes)  
> Recap part 18: Legolas was brought back after months of captivity, hurt and broken.  
> Recap part 24: Aragorn was captured by the same faction of Orcs. His rangers and Legolas help save him.  
> (Recap part 26 (Of Revengeful Actions): Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir and Legolas' patrol take revenge on said Orcs)

He was finally sleeping.

Ever since it had been decided that we were to go through the caves of Moria Legolas had not rested. He had not rested his mind in his Elvish dreams and I had been worried. He had become more and more edgy until I had seen no other choice. I had mixed his drink with a sedating herb, and he was finally sleeping.

He turned next to me, and made a small restless noise. Elves normally do not move in their sleep and I knew his mind had drifted down darker roads. I reached out with my hand to shake his shoulder and bring him out of his nightmare.

He flinched away from my touch, in memory of pains he had once felt.

‘Estel?’ he said silently. ‘They got you? Did they hurt you?’ He spoke with an urgency in his voice that told me he still was not fully aware. He was still caught in a cave with Orcs.

‘We are safe, Legolas,’ I answered and he did not speak.

His clothes rustled as he turned, pulling himself out of the nightmare and back into the present

‘I knew there would be nightmares,’ he said, in a condemning tone. He knew what I had done, but I did not regret it. He had slept. Even if it only was for a short while.

‘You needed rest.’

‘Not so bad that I needed to be drugged,’ he whispered with bitter humor in his voice.

I smiled. ‘I thought differently.’

‘Obviously.’ I painted one of his smirks onto his imaginary face. It was too dark for me to see him, but I did not doubt that he could see me in the faint glow from Gandalf’s staff. ‘Mayhap I should give you some of the same herbs?’

‘There is no need, I have been sleeping,’ I said, though my sleep had also been restless and interrupted by nightmares from my own time in the darkness. I had only been captured for a few days, and I had been ready to call it quits. I had never understood what had made him go on. I never understood what had made him live through the torture only to almost give up once he had been brought back to us.

‘Why did you not tell them, Legolas?’ It had bothered me for years, but whenever I asked why he had not told the Orcs about me, his answer was always the same. We had developed a pattern.

‘They were not persuasive enough.’

‘Spare me your morbid humor,’ I said for the first time since I had started asking him, deviating from the pattern. ‘Why?’

‘Had I told them they would have killed me,’ he said. I held my breath, not wishing to interrupt this change. Would he finally tell me?

He said nothing more, and I sighed. ‘They almost did.’

‘I know this!’ he hissed. Even though he was not speaking loudly, it resounded in the caves. His clothes rustled as he looked to see if any of the others had been awakened.

‘Must we speak of this?’ he whispered. ‘And in a cave none the less?’

‘I am sorry, my friend.’ I truly was sorry. He was obviously still affected by what had happened in those caves.

‘Ages have passed, Estel. You must let it go.’ The breath I felt against my cheek told me that he let out a sigh. I had not heard it.

‘You have not let it go, or you would be able to sleep here without me drugging me.’

‘My nightmares are my own. But even then, I do not appreciate you drugging me. What if something had happened?’ he whispered harshly and I felt my cheeks go warm in embarrassment. I had not given more than that it would have been possible for us to wake him up. Still, my judgment may have been clouded by my worry.

‘I do not think of it much anymore,’ he whispered, softer now. ‘I got closure.’

‘I… I think of it,’ I admitted. ‘It was my fault, and then I made you go through it again.’

‘It was never your fault,’ he said vehemently and it rung around us.

I opened my mouth to speak and he hushed me when. Someone had woken up. There was no way for me to hear it, but Legolas could. He had once told me he could hear a butterfly land. I had never believed him, though it probably was not far from the truth. It is hard to imagine exactly how much more perceptive an Elves senses are compared to my own.

‘I never blamed you, Estel,’ Legolas said after many minutes.

‘I know.’

‘You must stop blaming yourself.’

‘And yet nothing will convince me I had nothing to do with your capture.’

‘Your existence had everything to do with my capture,’ he admitted and even though I thought it myself, I felt a sharp pang in my chest. Why was I hurt by him thinking the same that I had thought from the beginning? ‘You however, had nothing to do with it.’

Sometimes, this Elf drives me mad. Any Elf has the ability, but this one in particular seemed bent on trying. Without fail.

‘My existence is a part of me.’

‘It is. And it is not. It is not your fault you were brought to this world. Blame it on whoever you will, but not yourself. For all that you are stupid, you would never commit suicide to end your existence.’

He chuckled softly, but I could not bring myself to smile.

‘Maybe to save you,’ I muttered. I think it threw him, because he went completely silent. I could not even hear him draw a breath.

‘Your death will never save me, Estel. Your continued existence might,’ he said with determination.

‘I simply cannot understand…’ I said. Legolas sighed, but did not say anything. ‘I got a glance of what the Orcs were doing with their prisoners when I was captured, and I do not understand how it is you can handle it all yourself.’

‘If I could have saved you sooner…’ he said, trailing off.

‘This is not about me. I know you came as soon as you could. You are not listening to me, infuriating Elf!’

‘My pain is my burden to bear, Estel.’

‘It does not have to be.’

‘I am not… ashamed of being captured anymore. It happened, and I cannot change it. They are gone now.’

‘Gone?’ I asked, and I realized he had spoken of closure. It might have been a bit more physical than I had thought.

He chuckled darkly. Somehow, it made the cave a little colder, a little clammier, and I wanted out of it. I shivered.

‘Legolas?’

‘We slayed them, and we caved it in.’

‘We…?’

‘Your brothers and my patrol were happy to lend their assistance.’

I blew out a breath. My brothers had arrived at the Rangers camp a couple of weeks after Legolas had gotten me out of that cave. They had been slightly worse for wear, though I had not thought much of it at the time. It was not uncommon for them to show up with new injuries and bruises. For all that they teased Legolas and me about getting injured they were almost as bad as us.

‘I see,’ I said.

‘You are upset?’

‘No… and yes,’ I answered. ‘I have never entertained the thought of revenge before now. But to know you did it without me…’

It hurt. Had he thought I could not handle it after what had happened? I knew he did not think me weak. Nothing indicated he did. And yet, why had he not come to me first?

‘I could not risk –‘

‘But you risked my brothers?’

‘Estel…’

‘I apologize,’ I said. He had not risked my brothers; they had risked themselves.

‘If,’– Gandalf said from the rock where he sat –‘the two of you would go to sleep instead of talking, I am sure the night would pass much quicker.’

‘The time flows the same,’ Legolas said in a light voice, any darkness wiped away as though it was never there. ‘I shall relieve you of your guard, Mithrandir.’

The sound from Legolas indicated that he sat up. He hesitated and leaned down towards me.

‘If I were you, I would check my drinks before drinking anything from now on,’ he said into my ear and I laughed.

‘We shall see.’

‘Indeed we shall,’ he said in amusement.

Then he was gone from my side. I rolled onto my back and tried to listen to the whispered words between him and Gandalf but I could not make sense of it. More than once had I wished to have the hearing of an Elf.

His nightmares are his own he had said.

Why did I think his nightmares were of my captivity rather than his own?

They were supposed to be my nightmares.

My memories.


End file.
